ALAN COUSER sets sail on the new Oasis of the Seas and finds out why it's been dubbed the 'world's most amazing floating resort'...

JUST imagine…. stepping into a bar in a New York shopping mall and walking out 30 minutes later in the middle of Central Park.

Just imagine watching a high-diving spectacle from your own private balcony.

Just imagine going to a penthouse nightclub with three storeys of glass walls, offering magnificent views….and it doesn't cost you a penny to get in.

Just imagine watching the kids on a carousel, whilst you sip a cocktail at the boardwalk bar.

Just imagine riding a surf board without having to paddle out into the ocean.

The Rules of Cruising - Torn asunder and re-written

When it came to designing Oasis of the Seas, Chairman Richard Fain and CEO Royal Caribbean, Adam Goldstein, must have thrown the rulebook of ship design overboard. Oasis of the Seas is no "mega" Voyager or Freedom Class ship - she is a totally new, fresh concept, which will amaze, thrill, entertain and surprise even the most sceptical guest. Believe me! I was that sceptic.

I use the word guest, not because this is the "hip" American term for a passenger. On Oasis of the Seas you are genuinely a "guest" at the world's most amazing floating resort.

Over the last 35 years as a travel professional (and part-time journalist), I have visited many exquisite hotels, sumptuous restaurants, vibrant nightclubs and almost 75 cruise-ships. Not one of them, however, even comes close to what Oasis of the Seas has to offer in one venue.

No longer just a ship, Oasis of the Seas is the destination.

This ship is huge but then, it has to be. There are something like 24 dining venues and almost 40 places to have a drink. Including the whirlpools, there are a total of 21 pools, one of which, the Aqua-Theatre, is almost six metres deep.

There is a huge indoor arcade. The Royal Promenade, featuring two levels of entertainment venues, shops, cafes and bars is much grander than its predecessors.

Six decks of balconied cabins tower over Central Park, an open-air nirvana, encircled by the very highest quality restaurants and filled with thousands of plants, trees and shrubs.

A fun fair fills the teak-floored Boardwalk, which features an amazing carousel with hand-carved horses, an ice-cream parlour, "Johnny Rockets" art-deco diner, a number of shops, lots of funfair stalls, a candy store and a great bar.

All that's missing is a stick of rock! Who needs to go ashore!

But what about the entertainment?

Oasis of the Seas is the first cruise liner to actually present a full musical, "Hairspray" in its 1380 seat auditorium, a venue that will rival even the very best West-end theatres. Of course, many other spectacular shows and entertainers are presented here, in the Opal Theatre, throughout your cruise.

Top of the bill amongst the ever-popular ice extravaganzas in Studio B is "Frozen in Time", a Hans Christian Andersen storybook on ice, featuring the fairytales such as The Emperors New Clothes, Little Mermaid, Snow Queen and the Ugly Duckling. Tickets definitely required.

There are a host of other entertainment venues, such as "Comedy Live", "On Air", the Parade on the Promenade but none of them prepares you for Royal Caribbean's most spectacular venue yet, the "Aqua Theatre", a huge amphitheatre at the aft of the ship, right at the end of the Boardwalk.

Water features, acrobats, comedians, synchronised swimmers and high-divers enthral you with their performance, which culminates in a high dive from what must be 30 metres or more.

Make sure you reserve seats for this as soon as you can, or you will miss one of the best spectacles anywhere in the world.

Night owls

There are no less than three nightclubs to choose from. The disco in the dungeon, "Blaze" with its throbbing beat and hectic bar compares with some of the best I've seen in any of the world's capital cities.

Sophisticated, penthouse, venue "Dazzles" stretches over three decks and features a floor to ceiling glass wall, with views over the Boardwalk.

Its heart beats to the sounds of the 60's right through to great, modern day rhythms.

By night, the Bistro at the Solarium transforms itself from sunlit chic into a romantic starlit open-air restaurant with speciality dining and dancing. Grab a snack at the Café Promenade on your way to bed!

Hungry? Not a chance…..

Dining on Oasis of the Seas ranges from the casual, self-service Windjammer Marketplace, through fun venues such as the American Diner "Johnny Rockets" and the "Seafood Shack" to informal but stylish dining in the beautiful "Opus Dining Room" and speciality feasting in some of the world's beat restaurants.

Izumi for Japanese / Oriental, Chops Grille for top-drawer steaks and fish, Giovannis Table for family-style Tuscan cuisine and for the ultra special, 150 Central Park, where the resident chef is Kerriann von Raesfeld, voted in 2008 as the top young chef in the entire world.

Next time I'm on this beautiful ship, I'll be first in line to book a table in this superlative establishment.

Just one warning, though. Remember to book a table for lunch, if you want anything other than the Windjammer Café!

…..and so to bed

That is, of course, if you can find your stateroom amongst the 2700 to choose from.

There is a choice of around 20 different types of cabin, from the "basic" inside cabin, through oceanview and balcony cabins to suites.

In between, you can find Promenade Staterooms with a soundproofed windows overlooking the busy street below, a selection of family sized accommodations, suites with views over the ocean, over Central Park, over the Aqua-Theatre. Then there are the Loft Suites.

These must be some of the most stunning bedrooms and suites at sea, with a mezzanine bedroom overlooking a living and dining area and all lit by a two-storey, wall-to-wall window.

Some of the suites have their own libraries, grand pianos and private bars. I know where I'll be staying on my next visit but I doubt if I can afford the $17000 per week for the Royal Loft Suite.

Actually, fining your cabin is a doddle, with the brand new, fully interactive displays at every elevator.

Loyalty rewarded

Oasis of the Seas looks after its loyal customers and suite guests with a brand new Diamond, catering for those who have cruised more than 10 times with Royal Caribbean, Celebrity or Azamara Cruises.

This "indoor-outdoor" venue is on a balcony overlooking the Royal Promenade. It wasn't completely finished when we visited the ship but it looks simply stunning.

Pre-dinner drinks are served here on a complimentary or reduced price basis.

For those "Diamond Plus" members, who have completed 24 or more cruises and "Suite Guests", there is a new, split level "Concierge Club", which simply exceeds all expectations.

It offers a huge panoramic view over the boardwalk, whilst you sip your complimentary cocktails and nibble on exotic canapés.

You name it, they have it. At peak holiday times there will be upwards of 1500 children and teenagers on board.Adventure Ocean caters for kids of all ages, with extensive play and learning programmes for the younger ones and coffee shops and games arcades for the teens.

There is an entire pool area devoted to young ones and Oasis of the Seas has a complete dining programme for families, to allow the kids to eat quickly and disappear off to join their friends, allowing parents to linger on and enjoy their dinner at a more leisurely pace.

For sports enthusiasts, there is a full-sized court for basketball, tennis and five-a-side football. Two giant Flow-riders and two huge rock-climbing walls challenge your senses and skills.

Table-tennis now has its own glass-enclosed areas; the mini-golf course is fun; a Zip-Line whizzes you across the Central Park, six storeys up; swimming pools for lap-swimming, jogging track for runners and an extensive gym cater for all types of exercise and torture!

Getting away from it all!

Despite all this activity, Oasis of the Seas also offers many tranquil areas. A wonderful spa, equipped with every type of rejuvenating equipment known to man, caters for every whim. The Solarium is strictly "adults only" and is an oasis of peace and tranquillity, with lazy loungers, sun decks and a bistro bar.

Take a stroll around the lifeboat deck, where you'll be lucky to encounter more than a handful of other gusets. Yes, there is no shortage of places to chill out.

How do I book it?

Oasis of the Seas sails weekly from a brand new, purpose-built terminal at Port Everglades, Fort Lauderdale.

Initially she will cruise the Eastern Caribbean and later will extend to a Western Caribbean itinerary.

Full details from Cruise Connections or your local cruise specialist.

As a virgin to cruising - nothing prepared me for the sheer excitement of waking up to find Malta parked outside my window.

The Balmoral had eased gently into harbour while I dreamed of a life of adventure on the High Seas and then suddenly…… the old walls of Valletta were set out before me inviting me to explore

While cruising can mean different things to different people the verdict of everyone I spoke to was the same "It's wonderful to wake up everyday in a different place." It was also my own verdict on cruising - and it was the opposite of what I had feared. The reason I'd never been on a cruise before, was not because I don't like going to new places but because I hate leaving!

'What could be worse,' I always thought, than sipping your sangria as the sun goes down in Barcelona - ruminating over the world in La Ramblas - fresh tapas just arrived sizzling to your plate - only to realize to your horror that you have twenty minutes to get back to your boat otherwise you're stranded - and without your luggage.

But Barcelona is a particularly great place to pull into port with your hotel in tow. Although there are a variety of tours on offer you don't really have to go on one here to be part of the action. When the ship docks you are already down town - a mere five minutes walk away from the raucous La Ramblas. Immediately you are in an artistic and theatrical hub where you browse the art work, be serenaded by the live music, or surprised by the mythical mime creations that turn human beings into works of art. Yes you can take your pick of the tapas bars, but you are probably already too stuffed full of food from the Balmoral to eat much.

When the Balmoral set sail from Barcelona in this May, there were 1,683 souls on board including a crew of over 500. Such a large staff ensures a high level of service and the staff are very attentive. The ship unashamedly caters to the over fifty fives, which seems a good idea if you want to party without grandchildren.

The Balmoral is Fred Olsen's' biggest ship to date and it was certainly receiving a good reception. Launched mid February - it's a sort of a hybrid - recreated by sawing another ship in half and inserting a new section. Regular customers of Fred Olsen who I spoke to all seemed to like the new ship. and reported the larger ship had lost none of the usual Fred Olsen friendliness and intimacy. One couple who'd been on a cruise at least five times before reported that they thought the ship was well kitted out and were particularly impressed by the standard of entertainment. No-one could find any fault with the food either though the resident comedian, "Tucker" raised belly laughs when he moaned during his stage act that he was starving.

"I haven't eaten for at least forty five minutes, what's Fred Olsen coming to" he lamented. "There's no restaurant on the eighth and the ninth floors - how are you supposed to last that long."

He went on to rib his audience about stealing food from the buffet for later-just in case they get hungry."and reported that the cruise director had decided not to have a beauty contest this time.

Tucker is a real find for the Balmoral. This audience is of the age where they like nothing better than to laugh at themselves and there were many who congratulated Tucker for presenting a programme that pokes gentle fun with not too much smut.

Seriously though folks, the food IS definitely something to email home about. There are four restaurants on board, one self service and you can basically dine in any style you like. My favourite approach was to eat buffet style at lunch simply because I couldn't get enough of their seafood salad with its delicious sprinkling of fresh and very succulent squid. Then for my sins, I managed to put away a five course meal each evening. The menu was different each night always with a choice of meats and seafood maybe red snapper one night and swordfish or lemon sole the next.

I ate that much I nearly bought the trousers with the elasticised waste band that the entertainment's team modelled to great hilarity during their fashion show. I must report that this was one of the best, most informative, funniest fashion shows I have ever seen. The team modelled clothes, bags and jewellery from the ship's shop and with dresses at around £40 and an expandable bag at £15 - the items raised lots of interest. The show was in the mode of a funny little mime play and while the team looked gorgeous and fit there wasn't a size zero amongst them.

The ship is really a floating village and if you want to be on the go all the time there is always something to do. There are now two heated salt water open air swimming pools and the attendant Jacuzzi's have jets that almost propel you to outer space if you turn them up high enough. Having two pools is a stroke of genius, as if you don't want to join in the entertainment being held at one you can always relax in the other.

Dancing seems to be all the rage with this age group. Tea dances were practically mobbed though I'm not sure if that was because of the passengers liking for the huge cream buns - after all lunch was at least an hour ago! - or the spare gentlemen who were laid on by Fred Olsen as extra partners.

I was lucky enough to be asked to dance the Rumba by one of these gentlemen who, though he may be of a certain age is very certain about the steps. I confessed to not being very certain about the steps in fact that I didn't have a clue and was kindly shown the drill - before going out on the dance floor. When the gentleman then whispered in my ear "don't look at your feet they've been there since the day you were born," I realised Michael Flately would not eat his heart out and retired gracefully.

The dancers have a good deal going on with Fred Olsen. They basically get a free cruise and a bit of pocket money to help ensure the dancing events go smoothly.

Just while I'm talking about the entertainment, I realise Fred Olsen is aimed at a British market but does it have to be quite so, well British. I know the theme nights are optional but while the tropical night

( flower garlands provided ) was a bit of fun the British night was, with all its flag waving (Union Jacks were provided) a bit OTT. You are invited to dress appropriately to represent your own nationality but I have to say I had to think about this one. Contrary to popular opinion, nicely brought up Northern Irelanders don't want to offend anyone and I quite like our new flags and emblems act. So I asked the Norwegian Captain - a huge man with a droll sense of humour - if I could wear my new green dress as I didn't have anything in red white and blue. "I could represent Northern Ireland." I said.

"British night - pha" he said and rolled his eyes "You go as a Shamrock if you want to."

So I did. Wear my new green dress that is, not go as a Shamrock. Evening showtime was a jaunty little "Sailor's Tale" a cheerful musical which had a rendition of Rule Britannia as the grand finale. Then they whipped their cloaks away to reveal sexy little Gerry Halliwell style Union Jack outfits. To be fair, when we retired to the bar a guy in an Ireland shirt was conducting a come all ye, singing songs of all nationalities from "Long way to Tipperary" to "Flower of Scotland." The Philippino waiter was more enamoured with this than any of the passengers and danced his way around the tables. Later at the disco on the top deck, I met another woman wearing a green dress. Turned out she was from Celbridge in County Kildare. "I thought it was Irish night," she said impishly. She giggled when I told her I'd come as the Good Friday Agreement. So it ended up as something of an international night after all.

The captain must have known how I felt about leaving places because as we pulled away from Tunis he puts on a "sail away deck party" The Balmoral Orchestra with superb singer Chline performed as left another country in our wake. That day we'd visited a ceramics museum which housed stunning and colourful images which depicted the mythology and ordinary life of Roman and Byzantine civilisations. I would recommend booking one of the tours offered by the ship when visiting Tunisia. Somewhat more exotic than some Mediterranean destinations its certainly worth having a tour guide to find you in the market place as you might get lost in the bustle - yes it did happen but this time it wasn't me. Our tour guide was a colourful character who gave us a potted history of his country. "We have eight million tourists visiting our country each year and all I can give you is a small postcard by passing through Carthage and the medina ( old market)."

He told us Tunisia may not have oil or diamonds and is therefore a third world country " but every child gets a free education and that is more valuable - I can only do my best to encourage people to come back and spend their holidays here."

I will, I will, I thought my appetite whetted, as the ship sailed off to the haunting sounds of, you've guessed, it "we are sailing".

So it's not the leaving of places like Tunisia and Barcelona that grieves me...anymore. I'm now with Shakespeare on this one when he says "parting is such sweet sorrow" I just have to remind myself that one day I'll return…

To book on line go to www.fredolsencruises.co.uk and to book by phone, call Reservations on 01473 742424 or see a local ABTA travel agent. The Balmoral has 9 wheelchair accessible cabins. Full details are available on request. Please call our Special Needs department on 0871 622 4176 prior to booking.