John Trew on the Canal du Midi

THE TV Chef Rick Stein's series French Odyssey, based on his inspiring journey along the Canal du Midi, has unlocked the flood-gates - pardon the pun - of interest among British holidaymakers; some canal-boat hire companies and barge-cruise specialists are already booked out for years to come.

I found the programmes inspiring, too, and really fancied getting aboard a boat ASAP on this idyllic waterway - but it seemed unlikely.

So you could have knocked me down with a barge-pole when our good friends Andrew and Doreen Crockart invited us, together with our mutual mates, Peter and Pauline Ford, to become the crew of the private cruiser Morene.

This venerable craft was due for the Crockarts' annual autumn voyage along one of the most beautiful stretches of the Canal du Midi, between Narbonne and Beziers and beyond.

Although I am the author of the original version of the promotional booklet Ireland's Welcoming Waterways (covering holiday cruising on the Shannon-Erne System as well as the canals around Dublin and the Bann) I am hardly an expert sailor even though I've spent a few weeks on waterways over the years.

On this voyage, alas, the Trew Crew were so slow in learning the ropes and how to steer a boat with a mind of its own, that we were only getting useful by the time we had to wish the Morene and our mates a fond farewell.

My own carelessness was due in part to the fact that there's a distraction around every corner of these magical landscapes - a kingfisher here, a gaggle of geese there, an ancient wine domaine here, and over there on the towpath, a totally nude man on a Sunday stroll, giving his dangly bits an airing (I have a blurred picture to prove it,too!)

Our friends the Fords, who had never done anything like it before, put me to shame with their confident competence in the galley, at the wheel and during the tricky negotiations through locks. Didn't Shakespeare call one of his plays The Shaming of the Trew? (That's another joke you've used before - Editor)

LOVELY LOCK-KEEPERS FLOAT MY BOAT!

To my delight I discovered that French lock-keepers - eclusieres are, by tradition, women and some of them are very attractive indeed.

Instead of some old crone in a faded pinny opening the lock-gates manually with horny hands like you see in the postcards, you have brown-legged girls controlling the traffic and pressing the buttons.

They are very good at their job, which often requires patient handling of a few very stupid holidaymakers who start braying at the lock-keeper in schoolboy French when they forget to untie their 'noddy-boat' as the water level in the lock suddenly drops and they are in danger of cowping. (Not us!)

The self-operated 'plastic card' locks that are a feature of the Shannon-Erne Canal, for example, have not reached France. This is a bloomin' nuisance, sometimes, especially in the middle of the day when the lovely lock-keepers go off for a leisurely lunch, a wee lie down and - for all I know -- a bit of Oo-La-La, judging by their flushed cheeks when they resume work.

But, hey, who cares about a bit of a delay? It's not a bottleneck on the Westlink, for goodness sake, making you desperately late on a wet December day. No, this is a wholly different world, where life still proceeds at the same pace as the lumbering horses who first trod these towpaths 340 years ago when a genius called Pierre-Paul Riquet.

It took us four delightful days dawdling down to Beziers, following the sinuous course of the canal, stopping off to visit a Museum of Hats or a village or a little canalside restaurant which are rarer than I had expected. In contrast, it took less than an hour to make the return journey in our rented Seat Ibiza, on roads often clogged by tractors with trailers heaped high with black grapes.

That's because our trip coincided with a spell of superb weather that encouraged every single wine-maker in this famous Languedoc-Roussillon region to harvest the vineyards which often stretched close enough to the canal-banks for me to steal a few grapes (surprisingly sweet,but small).

This is the land of robust Corbieres and Minervois wines that I enjoyed in my student days. At Villeneuve de Beziers we moored near a wine co-op where millions of grapes were being unloaded onto an underground mincing machine. I was shocked when the delivery driver threw his lit ciggie butt into the soggy mash. If Jilly Goolden the pretentious TV wine buff ever tastes a glass, she will no doubt comment on its "smoky hint of Gauloise cigarette and trucker's saliva". Yeugh!

SUPERLATIVE B&B BY THE WATERSIDE!

It's confession time. Although we were on a cruising holiday, doing everything which that entails, the Trew Crew didn't actually sleep on board the Morene.

It would have been just a wee bit cramped for someone of my disposition to put on a stone a week during French hols. Not only that, but I'm told I snore in French and wave my arms about.

Anyway, he whole point of these Trew's Travels pages is to make recommendations as to accommodation etc, and since the Morene is a private boat unavailable to everyone (though Andy and his other part-owners may be willing to negotiate a private hire!), I just HAD to try out the most comfortable and convenient establishment to Morene's berth at Salleles d'Aude.

That's how I found the excellent Les Volets Bleus, a characterful B&B run by friendly Brits in the delightfully unspoiled village just a 15 minute taxi-ride from Narbonne railway station.

The blue shutters that give the place its name are just some of the entirely original features of this Chambres d'Hotes establishment which is so close to the canal that I was tempted to cast my fishing line from our bedroom window.

We were enchanted, not only by the location amid the hundreds of vineyards intersected by waterways busy with leisure craft of every type, but also by the welcome of the Evans trio who own it.

Isobel, her husband Nick and her brother-in-law Greg bought this waterside mansion, built for a wealthy wine merchant in the 1880s, six years ago. They converted its spacious upper rooms into accommodation for all who hanker after La France d'Autrefois, the France of Yesteryear.

Fireplaces, stairways, doors and fittings are all original. The fact that the 130 year-old keys of bedroom doors are too precious to be given to overnight guests all adds to the authentic charm of this romantic hideaway.

Our room overlooked the tree-lined picture-postcard canal complete with flock of geese and an iron bridge designed by Gustave Eiffel, who gave Paris its iconic Tower. Our bathroom was the second-biggest we've ever had (the first being in our suite at the Carlton InterContinental in Cannes a few years ago at many times the price!)

I cannot imagine a more delightful place in which to capture the atmosphere of the fascinating Languedoc-Roussillon region which is much less spoiled than its more famous neighbour, Provence.

Isobel 'Izzy' Evans is a totally bi-lingual francophile so it's no surprise that French guests often outnumber the Brits, Irish and Americans who give the breakfast room its cosmopolitan appeal . Although Les Volets Bleus is a B&B, resident guests can order a delicious three-course dinner (22 euros) featuring local produce from the same Narbonne market that Rick Stein raved about on his TV Odyssey; the meal is inclusive of (unlimited!) wine produced just three kilometres away.

The rate for a double room with a nice breakfast is around £40 ( a few euros extra for our cavernous St Chinian suite).

Have a look at www.sallelles.net.. Tell Izzy I sent you when you call 33 04 68 46 83 03. Please note that they close for winter when they work as ski instructors in Andorra.

LE RUGBY EST TRES POPULAIRE

It's startling to see scores of rugby pitches bordering the Carcassonne -Beziers stretch of the Canal du Midi. That's because the game is popular among tough French Catalans.

In a Béziers sports bar I was amazed to see a picture of the Ulster 1999 European Cup Championship squad on the same wall as a poster for the next-door bullring (not content with importing rugby and football from us, they have pinched from the Spanish as well!).

Even more amazing was our discovery of Café de Paris 'Chez Paulette' the rugby bar in the untouristy town of Sigean. Here we enjoyed a four course lunch - cold meats to start, a delicious tripe dish, a help-yourself cheeseboard plus crème caramel - for TEN EUROS.

That's less than £7 for a really big meal including wine. No wonder that the lunch crowd included five massive members of the local Union Sigean RFC team who drank a full bottle of wine each before leaving at 2.30 for training. Like the good old days of rugby here!